you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
