I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
