I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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