Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
