so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Someone shattered a urinal.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
