so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
