She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
