So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
