I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
