Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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