Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
