My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
