He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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