I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
