Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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