I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
