So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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