Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
