Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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