Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My ATM looks so different sober.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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