Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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