If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize