Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
