Sponge bath it is.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
