I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
