my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
