it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
