I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
