just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
