Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
