four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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