The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
