so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
