she was so not down for the gang bang
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
