Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
