they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
