Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
