How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
