Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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