So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
