Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
