Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
