please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
