I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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