He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
