my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
