We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
