My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
do nipples grow back?
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