my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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