Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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