Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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