i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
