i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
