he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
