Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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