I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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