paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
