Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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