You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My liver just had a heart attack.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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