I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
