im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
