I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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