Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
