"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
