She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
