cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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