You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
