i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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